Friday, December 31, 2010

What do you Wish You Did?

There are certain characteristics that it seems like women like in a man; things that make them feel comfortable around him; that make them look up to him; even that make them want to love them. They aren’t always the characteristics that we, as guys, think they are; but they are characteristics that mean a lot to a woman, because they tell her she can trust him.

All too often, those same things that make us attractive to our wives are the same things that we try and hide from them. Remember, they don’t think the same way we do; so those things that we think aren’t worthy of seeing the light of day can be the same things that they want to see.

I think part of what causes us to hide these things is that they tend to make us vulnerable. Since many of these things can be seen as weaknesses we don’t want anyone to know they exist; especially those that are closest to us. After all, they are the ones who have the greatest opportunity to use those same things to stab us in the back.

Some of these characteristics I’m referring to are:

·         Honesty, especially about our weaknesses
·         Ability to admit failure and ask forgiveness
·         Openness, to share our dreams and aspirations
·         Integrity, that they know we’ll do the right thing, no matter what it costs us

This isn’t an exhaustive list, by any means, but it’s enough to chew on for now. How can we show our wives that we have these characteristics?
Day 70 – It’s the last day of the year; for some a day of partying and for others a day of reflection. Partying really isn’t all that romantic, but we can make something romantic out of taking this day, and making it a day of reflection.

Looking back at the year that is ending, what can you see that you wish you did? Or, that you wish you did differently? No, I’m not talking about going to last season’s Superbowl game, or going on that fishing trip with the guys. Your wife wouldn’t see any romance in those things. What can you see that you wish you did, or wish you did differently in your marriage? Are there things that have been left unsaid? Have you made an error that you never asked for forgiveness for? Was there an opportunity to do something special for your wife and you blew it?

Take a little time to reflect on this, because the answers won’t come to you immediately. Make sure you take notes on what you come up with too; it’s amazing how quickly we can forget something important when we’re in the middle of a conversation.

Okay, now that you have your list, take your wife aside someplace quiet; someplace where the two of you can talk without interruption, and share your list with her. Let her know up front what you are doing, so that she doesn’t misunderstand you. If you need to apologize for something that’s never been dealt with, do it. If there’s something you wish you had done, tell her. If there was a missed opportunity to show you that you love her, let her know.

Be real with her; she wants that of you.

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